


That's What She Said

by gabrielleholland



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Bodyswap, F/M, Identity Reveal, i wrote this in like three hours Can You Tell, rated teen because Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 10:30:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18221918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabrielleholland/pseuds/gabrielleholland
Summary: “Oh my god. Oh my god. OH MY GOD WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING GODDAMNED FUCK?!” Michelle sums up the situation pretty perfectly in just fifteen words. Technically Michelle in Peter’s body. And not in the fun way, in the my-crush’s-consciousness-is-now-inside-of-my-body-while-mine-is-in-her’s-because-of-a-crazy-superpowered-body-swapping-nutcase kind of way.Or, the body-swap fic no one asked for





	That's What She Said

 

  “Oh my god. Oh my god. OH MY GOD WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING GODDAMNED FUCK?!” Michelle sums up the situation perfectly in just fifteen words. Or, Michelle in Peter’s body. And not in the fun way. In the my-crush’s-consciousness-is-now-inside-of-my-body-while-mine-is-in-her’s-because-of-a-crazy-superpowered-body-swapping-nutcase kind of way. At least, he’s guessing it’s Michelle. He’s definitely in her body and there's something in the mannerisms that makes it feel like it's MJ.

 

  “Michelle! Please do not take that mask off!” He exercises his new mouth, marvelling at how weird it is hearing her voice with his words. It’s also really quiet. Having his crazy senses gone is so...odd feeling.

 

  “Why the fuck am I in _fucking Spider-Man’s_ body?!” Peter runs over to her, promptly tripping over his feet. Apparently inhabiting other people’s body is not the walk in the park he had perhaps hoped it would be. Good to know.

 

  “Okay.” He groaned, pulling himself up. He wonders how on Earth he used to survive without superpowers, because fuck dude, falling over and hitting your head on concrete apparently hurts a mega fuckton when you don’t have reginerative powers. You really do only appreciate something when it’s gone. “Okay, so we’re in each other’s bodies. Great. Okay. We can...we can get through this.”

 

  “You say that now!” She yells. “I can barely hear myself think!” Ah, right. That.

 

  He walks over to her. Or he walks over to himself? It’s confusing. Also extremely creepy. “Right. The senses. It uh...yeah, it sucks at first. You just gotta try and focus. Focus on one sound, or one visual, or one smell. It makes it a hell of a lot easier.” 

 

  “Who the hell is talking to me?!” She screeches. “What the fuck was talking to me in there?”

 

  “Th-that’s Karen. She’s my A.I. Now−”

 

  Michelle suddenly quietens. “She just...she just called me Peter. Oh my god...Peter?” Peter slams a hand over her mouth, which she promptly wrenches off. Ouch. He’d never quite realised how far his super strength could go.

 

  He held his (her?) hands up in surrender, one of which looked very broken. “MJ, we’re going to duck into that alleyway right there and then we can talk this out. Okay?”

 

  “Okay!?” She screamed, wrenching off the mask. “ _OKAY!?_ None of this is okay!” She grabbed his hand (the non-broken one. Though, it might be broken now) and dragged him into the alley. “Tell me something only Peter Parker would know I need to know you’re the one in my body.”

 

  “Um...yesterday we watched Scott Pilgrim?”

 

  She breathes a sigh of relief though it quickly reverts back to anger. “So. Peter. Someone’s been a sneaky little bastard, huh?”

 

  “Sneaky little bastard is a new one.” She slapped him. “Ow! Jeez MJ, I have super-strength, try not to abuse my powers.”

 

  “You, Peter Parker, have a lot of goddamned explaining to do!” Seeing MJ’s fire in the context of his face is a really weird experience, apparently. We really do learn something new every day.

 

  “Okay long story short I got bit by a radioactive spider and it gave me spider powers and I’m Spider-Man. Yay!” He makes little jazz hands. He wonders if that gesture has ever been made with Michelle’s body.

 

  She takes a few seconds. “Okay. Why the fuck am I in your body? And don’t you dare say that’s what she said!”

 

  “To be totally honest I’m not 100% sure. All I know is the weirdo I was fighting a few seconds ago was swapping people into different bodies. Why? Not sure. Mr Stark called me in to help him and Colonel Rhodes and Vision help neutralise him. Only I just got hit and it looks like I swapped with you.”

 

  She breathed in. “Fine. Okay, I can deal with this. I am calm and I am at peace. The only person in control of me is me.” Her eyes snapped at him with an icy glare. Seeing himself with MJ’s expressions...he’s going to need a few days off. “Though, apparently I am _not_.”

 

  “MJ, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Spider-Man. I thought...I thought it would be safer if you didn’t know.”

 

  She waved her hand angrily. “That’s a long term problem. Right now, I want to get the hell out of your body.”

 

  “That’s what she said.” He said hastily, like an idiot.

 

  Michelle looked like she was about to explode. Or, he looked like he was about to explode? “Peter, the only reason I’m not going to slap you across the face is because you’re currently in my body. But I swear to God I’ll suffer if you keep doing it.”

 

  “Noted.”

 

  Michelle sighed. “Great. Okay, so how do we fix this? Get back to the right bodies?”

 

  “I’m...not sure.” She glared at him and he pulled back defensively. “Well, our plan was to apprehend him and then cross that bridge when we got to it!”

 

  She sighed again, longer and even more exasperated, if that were possible. “Why on Earth do we trust you guys to protect us?” She massaged her temple, eyes scrunched. Peter felt pangs of concern. The senses thing really wasn’t fun when you weren’t used to it and he’d never wish it on anyone, especially not MJ.

 

  “Um...I can’t do much in this body.” He said as he tested out her arms and legs.

 

  She narrowed her eyes. “Wow, my body not up to your perfect superhero standards?”

 

  “No!” He exclaimed. “Your body’s great. Perfect. Amazing. I love your body. I’d totally get in it anytime.” He felt his cheeks burn, and saw her’s did too. “Not like that! I mean, not that you’re...not perfect! I just mean...God, this is literally the worst day of my life.”

 

  Her cheeks were still red. “To be clear I was kidding. Obviously my body isn’t optimal if one wishes to punch their way through a wall, which...can you do that? Your body is absurdly strong, I feel like you could do that.”

 

  He smiled. “I can do a lot more than that.” There was a large crash and a few screams. Recipe for a real great time. “Okay, we can’t waste time.” Could she do it? What is he even thinking, of course she could. She’s Michelle freaking Jones. “Okay, wild idea. Do you think you could try and be Spider-Man? For a bit?”

 

  She reeled back. “Um, no I could not. I am not athletic in any way.”

 

  “But my body is! I mean, not to sound narcissistic! I just mean my super spider powers gave me agility and strength and speed and stuff so like−”

 

  “I get it Parker, chill.” She waved her hand dismissively. “I can feel your abs right now.” He blushed. This is not the situation he had hoped to hear those words. “Which, on that note...can we just agree not to touch any part of each other’s body that would be, like, weird?”

 

  “I was not thinking of doing that, but yes.” That’s a half-lie. He was kind of thinking of it but he obviously wouldn’t do it because consent is important. Also, if he should ever be in the situation to do anything of that kind with MJ (which he has totally, absolutely thought about) he would only want to do that with express permission because, again, consent is important.

 

  “Glad we got that squared away. Don’t touch my tits. Now, onto fixing all this.” She glanced past him to the rubble. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

 

  He’s a little surprised at that. She’s always been uber-confident, uber-assured. Now she’s just uber-confusing him. “What? Michelle, we all saw how you decked Flash last week. Just do that, but..here.” He strode over, taking her arm. “See this? Just press this button here like so, and thwip. See? Easy peasy.”

 

  She looks at him like he’s just said the Earth is flat. “Peter, I don’t know if you know this but news flash, there’s a difference between swinging around like a madman while also beating up bad guys and punching one dumbass. I’m not Spider-Man”

 

  “MJ.” He held her arms. “Spider-Man...it’s an idea. Anyone can be Spider-Man. That’s the beauty in it. It’s not like Thor or Captain America. Anyone could be behind the mask.”

 

  “Peter.” She replied with a smile. “While that’s a lovely sentiment, that is literally no help in this situation.”

 

  “Yeah, moment I said it it felt off.” He looks around, hoping his absence hasn’t totally ruined any chance of beating this guy. “Okay, here. Point your hand at that wall, aim, press the button and pull.”

 

  “But−”

 

  “ _Michelle_.” He squeezes her hand. His hand? God this is so fucking weird. “You can do this. I believe in you.”

 

  She takes a breath before doing as he said. She screeches as she slams into the wall. “Ow!”

 

  “Oh my god, are you okay?” He rushes over, trying very hard not to trip. She peels herself off the wall (ah, the wonders of sticking to walls) and he rushes to catch her, only tlo end up with her falling on him.

 

  “Ah!” She yells, sitting up on his torso. “Who’s talking to me? Wait, Tony Stark? No I’m not amnesic! I’m Michelle. Peter got hit by whatever super freak you’re fighting and now I’m stuck in his body. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Fuck off, his superpower is not that. I do not have a crush on Peter and Peter does not have a crush on me.”

 

  Well, the latter half is definitely not correct. Unfortunately, though he knows his body isn’t heavy, his body does have super-strength and it’s kind of crushing his stomach. And probably ribs and lungs too. When they finish this the first thing he’s doing is taking Michelle to a hospital. And then probably inquire as to what on Earth Mr. Stark said to prompt that.

 

  “ _MJ_.” He finally wheezes. She springs up, ripping off the mask and pulling him up.

 

  “Holy shit, are you okay?” She brushes him off, giving a concerned look at his winces. “We need to get you to a hospital or something.”

 

  “No, I’m fine.” He coughs. He’s pretty sure he’s a few minutes away from weeping in pain at this point. “Just not used to a body without high pain tolerance.”

 

  “I’m so sorry, I tried…” She looks back at the wall. “I have to do this. So...aim, thwip, pull.” She does so, slamming into the wall but slightly less badly than last time. She jumps down, shaking. “I−I can’t do this. You take the suit.” She says, attempting to pull it off.

 

  He pulls her to face him. “MJ. I can’t do that. If I do that your body will get even more hurt than it already is, I don’t think it can handle fighting conditions. Mine though, it can take a heck of a lot more damage than yours and it’ll hurt a lot less, if at all.”

 

  Conflict washes over her face like waves. “Okay. I...I don’t really want you feeling more pain.” _Not what I meant._ “Alright. I can do this.” She aims, thwips and pulls...and she actually does it. Not that he’s surprised. Michelle could probably _John Wick_ the Trump administration if she put her mind to it.

  “Holy crap!” She exclaims excitedly. “Holy crap...okay.” She does it again. “Okay, I think I can do this.”

 

  “Of course you can!” He beams, wondering if its weird for him to be crushing on her while she’s in his body. It’s only like, half weird, right? “You’re Michelle Jones. You can do anything. Look, I’ll show you were the fight is and I’ll be there the whole time. I promise. And just...just focus on my voice, okay? Or...your voice. You’ll be able to pick it out as long as I’m not too far away. It’ll help you concentrate. And if at any point you feel to overwhelmed you just stop, okay? I’m sure Mr Stark and Mr Rhodes...” He trails off. “Goddamnit. That probably should have been my first idea.”

 

  Michelle smiles, playfully hitting his arm. Ouch. That’s gonna bruise, super strength really is a doozy. “It’s chill, Parker. You, Ned and I collectively share one brain cell and apparently it’s Ned’s turn on the brain cell because I am about to throw myself into a fight. Let’s go, show me the way.” Michelle pulls the mask back on and they run out the alley, darting past the crowds to where the fight is. Vision is currently chasing the guy like this is some crazy cat-and-mouse game, Colonel Rhodes is trying to blast the guy without damaging the surrounding neighbourhood and Mr Stark is trying to shoot nets at him.

 

  “So, are dumb quips a necessity when becoming Spidey? This is important information I need before I jump in and save the day.”

 

  “Wow, Em. Narcissism looks great on me.”

 

  “It's an essential part of the character, Pete.” She moves to aim the web shooter when Mr. Stark lands in front of them.

 

  “If the two of you are done flirting we’d really appreciate some help.” He jabs a finger in MJ’s direction. “Michelle...you are Michelle right now, right?”

 

  “Yep.”

 

  “Great. Shoot the webs and incapacitate the dude. Douchebag chose the middle of Queens to do his nutso bidding and we’re trying to keep it as damage-free as possible. Got it?”

 

  “Uh-huh.” She turns to Peter as she extends her arm. “Watch me do your job better than you.”

 

  And honestly, she does a great job. Way better than his first times. She has him subdued in a couple minutes, swinging around him and webbing him up with only a couple mistakes. She even does the stupid quips. He’s quite proud.

 

  “Okey-dokey.” Says Mr Stark after the battle as he tinkers with the sceptre the guy was using to blast people. “Luckily, it seems only twenty or so people got hit. Unluckily that means forty people are now in the wrong bodies and also I have no clue how to fix this.” He turns to the dude, who’s currently webbed up a few feet away. “Yo, is there a reverse button on this?”

 

  “Why on Olympus would I make a reverse button? I am Anteros, the one who will bring love to the lonely. I am the love-maker.”

 

  Mr Stark snorts. “Not while I’m around.”

 

  Colonel Rhodes sends Michelle and Peter an apologetic look. “Tony, there are kids present.”

 

  “They got their brains swapped, they’re probably−”

 

  “Tony!”

 

  “Why were our brains swapped?” Asks Peter. Mr Stark chuckles. Not a good sign.

 

  Michelle pipes up before Mr Stark can answer “It’s really better to just not ask.”

 

  “But I wanna know!”

 

  Anteros turns to him. “Yout brains were swapped, child, because you desire each other−” He’s cut off by MJ shooting a web at his mouth. Mr Stark snorts again and even Rhodey smiles.

 

  “I told you not to ask, Peter.” Says Michelle through tight lips.

 

  “But that makes no sense! You don’t….desire me!” Mr Stark laughs _again_ , and Peter has half a mind to hit him.

 

  Vision floats down. “No casualties and only one injured. Also, little debris. Here.” He takes the sceptre from Tony. It and the stone in Vision’s head glows orange “Peter, the power of this object seems to be some kind of psionic device. It read thoughts and swapped the bodies of people who, as our good friend here just stated, desired each other but who had not yet expressed such feelings. Why he thought that would help anyone’s love life is beyond even me. I just have to rewire and...there.” It pulsated, before emitting a large blast.

 

  Peter fell, blacking out for a moment. When he opened his eyes, he whooped. “Back in my body!” Michelle on the other hand, immediately doubles over and throws up. “Oh god!”

 

  “Fuck, Parker. How the hell were you so level before? Scratch that, how the hell did I get so injured?” She gets out in intervals.

 

  “I told you, I have super strength! You kept using it accidently, I guess I didn’t realise how bad ‘cause I’m used to getting hurt.”

 

  Colonel Rhodes helped MJ up. “We’ll get you to a hospital, ma’am. By the way, you did a great job helping us today. It can’t have been easy.”

 

 “Heck of a lot easier than hearing the guy who body-swapped me say I desire _Peter freaking Parker_.” Peter tries not to blush furiously. “Or the body swap itself, that was super sucky.”

 

  Stark sauntered over to Anteros. “Well, guess that’s our heroics for today. I’m gonna take Cupid here down to the station. Rhodey’ll come with me. Vision, take that sceptre up to the Facility. Michelle, I’ve got an ambulance driving over right now, you’re going to be fine.” They slowly dispersed, leaving the two alone waiting for the ambulence.

 

  “So. We have a lot to talk about, I suppose.” Says MJ carefully.

 

  “Yeah, guess we kinda do.” He pulls his mouth into a grin. “Do you really _desire_ me?

 

  “Parker, if I had your super strength right now and I weren't basically dying I’d punch you in the face.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> skkskskskskskskskksks this is so BAD why do i waste my life doing this
> 
> i’ll probably delete it honestly  
> edit: apparently y'all like it so it's staying up


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